Reinventing yourself with New Year’s resolutions; well, kind of: Some tips on how to not completely miss your goals during 2015

Jake Arlow, Staff Writer

As the clock strikes midnight on Jan. 1, fear strikes in many people’s hearts. The dreaded time has come: they must actively (if not futilely) attempt to complete their New Year’s resolutions. Throughout the month of December they happily told anyone that this year they plan to “get fit,” “eat healthy,” and “actually take my guinea pig out of its cage because it needs from fresh air, that poor thing.”

These proclamations are nothing more than that, an announcement of a plan. New Year’s resolutions seem so fun and practical in theory, but when it comes to following through on their word, people have an even harder time than Congress in enacting resolutions.

Some people already have ideas of what their New Year’s resolutions will be.

“I really want to make a new friend every month of the year,” said senior Mano Beys. “Even if it means kidnapping them and bonding with them against their will. I’m really committed.”

For  those of you who are not as inspired, here are some simple ideas: you could pick up a new hobby—something you are really passionate about, like chess or gardening or building world-dominating robots. Try writing a handwritten letter to your relatives once a month. It’ll make them happy and plus you won’t have to talk to them on the phone and repeat loudly the thing you just said.

Floss your teeth—your poor gums will thank you, not to mention your dentist and every other person you’ve ever been in close contact with. Write a diary—it will never judge you for not following through on your resolutions, unless you stop writing in it, then it will judge you as harshly as an 18th century school marm.

If the idea of all of these resolutions makes you stressed and anxious, maybe the best New Year’s resolution would be to stop putting so much pressure on yourself.

The world will keep spinning if you are unable to go to soccer practice, then babysit for five hours, then do homework, then cook dinner for your entire extended family, then watch eight seasons of Parks and Rec on Netflix in one night. Try to say “no” sometimes to more responsibility.

“Maybe I’ll try to actually laugh out loud when I type ‘LOL’,” said senior Matthew Nicholson, “I think that will really make a difference in my life.”

This one might be ambitious, but it’s still a resolution. Whatever you plan on doing this new year, you’ll need some tools to follow through with your resolution. Don’t be discouraged by ghosts of New Year’s Resolutions past, despite the fact that an estimated 80% of the “New Year’s Resolution” gym crowd stops going by the first week of February.

If you want to show your perseverance and hold out until at least the second week of February, here are some strategies: you could do this is by recording yourself saying your resolution 1,000 times angrily and passionately until you lose your voice. This will give you purpose and drive.

Another way to make sure you complete your resolution is to tell other people your plan. By doing this you will be held accountable and can be mocked endlessly when you inevitably fail.

“Last year I swore off murdering people,”  said senior Jina Lay. “And then the last person that mocked me about it never mocked me again. I have the same resolution this year.”

Don’t worry too much about this New Year. You may not follow through on your resolutions, but the new year is still a clean slate. You have a chance to start fresh and fail on your promises again next year.