There is a mantle of filth beneath the crust of the very beautiful world.  It is made up of the universally awful, packed with student loans, new episodes of How I Met Your Mother, and Apple products.  The layer of garbage beneath us has recently thickened in conjunction with the release of the iPad Air, one of the dumbest things that will ever make millions of dollars.

It is like previous iterations of the Apple iPad except, like a pack of gum with three pieces missing, it is three pieces of gum lighter.  Yet unlike a pack of gum, you did not chew the mass of your old iPad to a pulp until you needed to buy a new one.  Instead, you are shopping for a slightly lighter replica of what you already have likely because you fell for a slick television commercial or the article of some tech-journalist crying out, “revolutionary!”

Featuring technological specifications that leave it slightly worse than most Android tablets at a ridiculous price premium, the Air is definitely a good tablet computer to consider purchasing.

The Apple website offers the accounts of the new iPad’s capabilities that you would expect from a corporation that has been tricking the benefactors of its unfairly huge market share into buying the same products for decades.  For instance, Apple marketing mentions that the Air has WiFi connectivity that is “twice as fast.”

The only reason that Apple can speak so highly of improvements in its products throughout the years is because they are compared solely to the company’s already existing underpowered, overpriced hardware.  The iPad that came out this year is certainly better than the iPad that came out last year.  The issue is that none of the iPads that have ever been made have been worth buying over any other product besides old iPads.

Outside of an extremely negligible weight difference, the iPad Air has no features, hardware or software, that outclass most similarly priced Samsung or Google tablets.  If you are looking for the most powerful, customizable tablet computing experience, buy something with a logo that doesn’t keep the doctor away.