Think you know about the Sony hack? Think again.

Emilia Charno and Max Miranda, Staff Writer and A&E Editor

 

Monday, Nov. 24

On the morning of Nov. 24, workers at the Sony Pictures Entertainment headquarters see the unsettling images of skeletons and threatening messages flashing across their computer screens.  “Hacked by #GOP. Warning: We’ve already warned you… We have obtained all your internal data including secrets and top secrets.”  Calling themselves the Guardians of Peace (GOP), this shadowy group (that never got the memo about their acronym) staged a digital break-in of secret Sony databases and claimed to have obtained over 100 terabytes of information.  Just for reference, your phone contains anywhere from 8-64 gigabytes worth of data and 1000 gigabytes is 1 terabyte.  Basically, the GOP stole 3000 smartphones worth of data, and just as any good super villain would do, left an encouraging note saying that “This is just the beginning.”

 

Thursday, Nov. 27

Five Sony films including Annie are posted to online sharing hubs. Aside from Fury, none of these films had been released in theaters yet; they were now being downloaded for free by millions.  On top of this, Sony’s computer system is still down.

Friday, Nov. 28

The first reports that Sony believes North Koreans are responsible for this cyber-attack surface. Kim Jong Un flaps puffy cheeks in denial. Journalists speculate the attack is in retaliation to Seth Rogen and James Franco’s not-yet-released movie, The Interview.

 

Monday, Dec. 1

Personal information of 6,000 Sony employees is leaked; employees are less than ecstatic that eternal leader Kim Jong Un is taking the time to get to know them.  With the help of Mandiant, a cyber-security firm, Sony intensifies investigation into the attacks.

 

Wednesday, Dec. 3

A new collection of stolen data is released, including the passports and visas of hundreds of movie cast and crew members, such as Angelina Jolie and Jonah Hill.  A list of workplace complaints filed by Sony employees over the years is also published.

 

Friday, Dec. 5

The GOP emails Sony employees again. Instead of offerring reconciliation and hope that North Korea and America can get together, they start threatening Sony’s employees’ families.  Part of the email read, “…sign your name to object the false of the company at the e-mail address below if you don’t want to suffer damage.  If you don’t, not only you but your family will be in danger.”

 

Saturday, Dec. 13

Another round of Sony files is leaked by the GOP. They vow to give Sony Pictures a “Christmas gift” that will destroy the company.

 

Tuesday, Dec. 16

The hackers send another email, this time directly threatening movie theaters that might show The Interview.  In the email the GOP says, “Soon all the world will see what an awful movie Sony Pictures Entertainment has made.  The world will be full of fear. Remember the 11th of September 2001.  We recommend you to keep yourself distant from the places at that time.” The Department of Homeland Security releases a statement saying they have “no credible intelligence to indicate an active plot against movie theaters within the United States” soon after.  Seth Rogen and James Franco also cancel the rest of their promotional tour for The Interview.  No jokes to be made.

 

Friday, Dec. 19

The hackers send another email to Sony, saying it was a “very wise decision” for them to not show The Interview.  They say that if the movie is kept out of theaters, the threats and attacks will stop.  However, they also imply that if the movie is released on DVD, threats and attacks will continue, confirming the long-held belief that terrorists prefer Blu-Ray.  The FBI also publicly announces the North Korean government’s involvement in the Sony hack.  In a press conference, Obama says Sony “made a mistake” by caving to the demands of the North Korean hackers. Obama feels that compliance with terrorists will only lead to more of such incidents.

 

Monday, Dec. 22

A North Korean Internet outage occurs and rumors run wild that America caused such a outage as retaliation for the Sony attacks.

 

Tuesday, Dec. 23

Sony announces it will once again release The Interview on Christmas Day to any theaters that wish to screen it, as well as online, so it is available to everyone.

 

Later…

Overall, the movie has netted $31 million in combined box office and online sales. As well, the movie will be picked up by Netflix in late Janurary. Meanwhile,  Sony is ecstatic that the movie has turned into a symbol for freedom, the only conceivable turn of events that could have distracted audiences from the movie’s poor quality.