Battle between packaged cookies produces an unexpected winner


An adorable third grader prefers licking the creamy centers of Oreo cookies rather than eating the entire cookie and demonstrates the proper method of removing the fluffy Oreo filling.


On our latest mission, we have traveled as far as Whole Foods, in Manhasset, and as close as the Stop & Shop in Soundview to find the cookie made with the most love.  Health issues aside, cookies are the ultimate snack.  They can be soft or crunchy, warm or even frozen if you choose to eat raw cookie dough, which we do not condone, despite raw cookie dough’s deliciousness.

We tackled the classic cookies everyone packs for lunch – Oreos, Chips Ahoy, and Nilla Wafers.  After careful consideration and tasting, we decided that these brand-named cookies, despite their immense popularity, are not nearly satisfying enough to make the top of our list.

First of all, we need to be honest about Chips Ahoy cookies.  It does not matter if you are eating the classic Chips Ahoy or the new “Chewy” Chips Ahoy, this cookie is a disgrace to all snack foods and desserts and should be ashamed to call itself a cookie.  The dry crustiness of Chips Ahoy cookies makes them cumbersome to eat. The crunch of a Chips Ahoy cookie should not, under any circumstances, be mistaken for the delicate crispiness that more delicious hard cookies have.  On the other hand, the Chewy Chips Ahoy cookies, which try futilely to remedy the dryness of original Chips Ahoys, have the consistency of silly putty, taste vaguely of plastic, and amount to an odd eating experience.  For shame, Chips Ahoy.  For shame.

Oreos are a classic cookie and are great for chocolate lovers, but for those who only enjoy licking the cream from the middle, the experience can be wasteful.  Oreos are also ridiculously sweet and should not be consumed quickly or in large quantities.  We are warning you right now, fast consumption will likely make you feel nauseated and cause your thighs to expand.  Also, all Oreo lovers should be wary of the mushy chocolate bits that tend to get stuck on front teeth.  We know the cookies are yummy, but soggy cookie particles on your glistening white teeth are not the way to charm your peers.

Nilla Wafers, like Oreos, can also be delicious in moderation, but we recommend eating them with a cold glass of milk as they can easily get stuck to the roof of your mouth.

Keebler cookies, despite their cheery elf mascot, are not made with love and are barely a step above the Chips Ahoy cookie.  Keebler’s Chocolate Chip and Mini Rainbow Cookies are rather ordinary and nothing that really made our taste buds cheer with cookie joy.

Pepperidge Farm, although not our favorite, is a fantastic alternative to the other cookies on our list.  Milanos, Genevas, Chessmen, Brussels, and Tahitis are all manufactured by Pepperidge Farm, which also sells soft baked cookies in a variety of flavors.  It should be noted that the soft baked cookies are vastly inferior to the delicious Brussels and Geneva cookies, but will suffice for a light snack.

Pepperidge Farm’s greatest success is its Pirouette tins, which, according to the website are ‟Slender.  Graceful.  Delicious.  A pastry-like wafer, baked to a delicate crisp, surrounds a luscious, creamy filling.”  This description is the most perfect and exact description of a cookie, and we could not do it justice without reprinting it word for word.

The chocolate chip cookies from Tate’s Bake Shop are the finest cookies that you can buy from the supermarket.  These delicate, crunchy, and mouthwatering snacks are available at North Shore Farms.  Their texture is vastly superior to any other brand on the market and they have the perfect number of chocolate chips.

We wish there were more amazing soft baked cookies in existence, but unfortunately, cookie manufacturers have yet to concoct the perfect recipe.  Our favorite soft cookies are actually those baked by our very own cafeteria staff.  A staple in a Schreiber student’s diet, the cafeteria’s homemade cookies are baked fresh everyday to moist perfection.

“I eat the cafeteria cookies almost every day,” said senior Michael Gilmore.   “They’re always warm and taste fresh and allow for a cheap, quick snack in between classes.”

If you need a soft cookie over the weekend and are unable to break into the school cafeteria, Entenmann’s makes a satisfactory soft cookie.  Entenmann’s soft mini chocolate chip cookies are bite sized and scrumptious.  They taste fantastic on their own, delicious with milk, and are deceiving on account of their small size and general lightness.

If you are one of our gluten-free friends, have no fear—we have cookies for you, too!  Although we feel bad that our gluten-free comrades are unable to enjoy the deliciousness of a traditional cookie, we must admit that gluten-free substitutes are not as awful as we had initially suspected.  Simplebites’ Ginger Snap gluten free cookies take the top of the list.

“Udi’s brand makes really good gluten free cookies and Glutino makes really good wafer cookies that are similar to Kit Kat’s,” said sophomore Lauren Whitman.  “Usually, I just bake my own from the Betty Crocker Gluten Free mix.”

If you are eating gluten free, or simply want to sympathize who those who do, watch out for Aleia Chocolate Chip Cookies.  They are horrifyingly disgusting.  These cookies are as hard as a rock and have very little flavor.  Unless you want to go to the dentist with a chipped tooth, we do not recommend eating these cookies.