Let’s take a trip back to last year. For about eight months I was at rock bottom.  Every day, I wondered why I couldn’t find happiness or why I couldn’t smile like all the other kids.  My grades were dropping, my teachers were emailing me, my parents were asking me what was happening, and I just couldn’t catch a break.  It was like I was breathing with half a lung, suffocating inside my thoughts.  I was limited in what I could do to make me happy and sure enough something had to make me feel even worse.  I became suicidal and decided it was time to reach out for some help; however, all I got back was “it will get better” or “you are too young to be depressed” and I began going to bed wishing that I wouldn’t wake up the next day. 

Every day,  I would throw on a fake smile and no one ever suspected a thing.  On the outside I was a goofy kid who was always laughing, but on the inside I was crumbling and slowly losing my fight with depression.  In my head there was no way out, and all I wanted was for my life to come to an end.  There was nothing in this world that could change my mind therefore I let go.  I sat back and watched as my dreams faded, friends distanced, and energy diminished.  I hadn’t ended my life yet because I promised my mom that I would retire her early and get her a house on the water.  The only way I ever felt safe was in my room with my headphones on.  Some days I would play video games for five or six hours because it made me forget what was happening in the real world. 

Now let’s fast forward to two months ago when I smiled truthfully for the first time again.  After that, I started realizing how much I had to live for, all the things I hadn’t done, and that life is never going to be easy, but that doesn’t mean I should give up.  Day by day I was becoming more energetic, positive, and I actually started going out with friends again. I really have no idea what happened to me, but boy am I happy it did. 

After thinking about all the things I had gone through, it finally hit me.  There was no way I was the only kid in school feeling like this.  If it was easy for me to hide behind a fake smile I am sure other kids were too. I know for a fact that there are kids in Schreiber fighting depression alone with no one to talk to.  I feel like our school should definitely do more with mental health awareness, a program where kids having trouble with their mental health could go and talk to other kids who have gone through the same thing.  I personally never talked to an adult because all I thought I would get out of it was a number for a therapist. I didn’t want that; I wanted to sit down and just relate to someone so I didn’t feel alone.  I never told my parents either, but I did reach out to one of my closest friends.  Talking to someone who was on the same level of life experience as me made me feel like I could say anything and they would relate.  I would 100% take part in a program that gave kids a chance to have a one on one conversation with one of their peers.  You will never know what someone is going through on the inside if all we do is base happiness on appearances.